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Collaborative Divorce Alberta Blog

Children and Divorce

04/15/24

When Can My Children Decide Where They Live?

If you ask any family lawyer, they will say one of the most common questions they get in a parenting matter is “when can my children decide who they will live with?”. We also often hear “my child is 12, so that means they get to choose who they live with, right?”.  The idea that there is a “magic age” when children care old enough to decide whether they will live with one parent or the other is a common misconception. Parties commonly believe that their child will turn 12, and be old enough to assert who they want to live with. The reality is that a Court has the authority to determine who a child will live with, and how much time they will spend with each parent until that child is 18 years old.  Children are all different, and develop at different rates. A 9 year old may be able to clearly express their wants and their very carefully thought few reasons for those wants, whereas a 14 year old may express they want to live with Mom because Mom bought them a bike last week. These developmental differences makes it difficult for the law to impose one...

03/10/23

When Can My Children Decide Where They Live?

If you ask any family lawyer, they will say one of the most common questions they get in a parenting matter is “when can my children decide who they will live with?”. We also often hear “my child is 12, so that means they get to choose who they live with, right?”. The idea that there is a “magic age” when children are old enough to decide whether they will live with one parent or the other is a common misconception. Parties commonly believe that their child will turn 12, and be old enough to assert who they want to...



10/24/18

CBC Radio: “Breakup – We’re done. Now, what about the kids?”

In early October 2018, CBC radio broadcast a one hour show about the effect of divorce on children. The broadcast is called “Breakup,” and you can listen to it on the CBC website. The show covered many deep concepts of what is involved in a healthy divorce, and I will blog about each of them later. The lawyer in me needs to stress that we all use the word “divorce” regardless of whether the couple was married. The most important message of “Breakup” is that there can be healthy divorces with parenting plans that eliminate or minimize harm to children....



01/27/17

HEALTHY CO-PARENTING RUBRIC

HEALTHY CO-PARENTING RUBRIC 1. Healthy co-parenting is based on civility of relationship between parents. 2. Healthy co-parents support clear emotional boundaries across the two sides of the divorce duplex. 3. Healthy co-parenting leads with the child(ren)’s best interest in mind. 4. Healthy co-parents work to increase experiences that create opportunities for success and mastery for the child(ren) in both homes. 5. Healthy co-parents accept reasonable regional differences in rules between the two sides of the divorce duplex (eg. Mom’s/dad’s house mom’s/dad’s rules). 6. Healthy co-parents work together to maintain a healthy generational boundary across the two sides of the divorce...



04/21/16

Getting Through The Breakup Earthquake

Ending a marriage is never easy for a couple, and it can be downright damaging for their children when a breakup turns into a battle. How can you reduce the shock waves of the break up earthquake?   There are resources that offer divorcing or separating couples options to the traditional divorce system: (With thanks to Beryl McNeil, Janis Pritchard, Susan Zwaenepoel, Gordon Andreiuk, Terry Pezzot-Pearce, Patricia Sealy, Diane Shearer and Terry Bullick) breakup earthquake (12)https://collaborativepractice.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/breakup-earthquake-12.pdf  



04/21/16

Helping Your Children Cope with the Breakup Earthquake

  Listen, speak and support:  10 tips Respect and good communication can help families get safely through the breakup earthquake of divorce or separation. Really listen to your spouse and your children.  Think before saying anything. While it may be hard, control your criticism, anger and distress in front of your children. Find one-on-one time for each of your children so they feel nurtured, loved and listened to. Encourage your children to have a good time with your spouse. If your children are spending time in two homes, make them feel welcome and comfortable in yours. From time to time,...



07/23/15

How a child specialist can make sure the voice of your child is heard during the divorce process.

Parents generally worry about the impact of divorce on their children. Serious harm can happen for kids during separation and the aftermath if moms and dads get sidetracked by strong negative emotions and conflicts and lose perspective on what’s important for their youngsters during this difficult time. In a Collaborative Divorce, parents and their lawyers often call up a Neutral Child Specialist to bring the voice of the child into the process, and to help them make child sensitive decisions for their kids. The Child Specialist is a psychologist with specialized knowledge about children and divorce, family relationships, communication and...



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